


Eighth Grade

by CaliKayeTylers



Series: For Life [2]
Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Friendship, Homophobic Language, M/M, Middle School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22454050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers
Summary: Growing up is hard, especially when feelings are involved.Tw for mild homophobic slurs.
Series: For Life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584853
Kudos: 9





	Eighth Grade

_ What are you looking forward to most about starting high school? _

What a joke.

Kouyou blinked, staring blankly at the writing prompt displayed on the whiteboard. They had ten minutes to jot down whatever came to mind about the given topic and he couldn't think of one positive thing to put down. After all, eighth grade was absolute shit, so why would high school be any better? Sure, he hadn’t been physically harmed since that day on the soccer field when Akira had stood up for him, but it didn’t stop the emotional abuse that came from harsh words and jeers. And things had only started getting worse the last year or so. 

Akira and he had both tried out for the soccer team in seventh grade and at first, he’d been so happy they’d made it. All that practice time meant more time they’d be spending together and that’s all he’d ever wanted. The reality of the situation wasn’t what he expected. In elementary school, he’d been able to run circles around Akira but now he was a second-string player at best and Akira had started eighth grade as team captain. They barely got to even practice together anymore. On top of that, Akira had made all kinds of new ‘friends’ now that he was popular and it seemed like he never had time to hang out anymore. Kouyou tried not to let his disappointment show every time he asked if Akira had free time and his friend’s face told the whole story. 

_ No, Kouyou. I don’t have time for you anymore. _

Akira would never say the words aloud but he didn’t have to for Kouyou to hear him loud and clear. The only way to stay popular was to hang with the right people, and Kouyou would never be welcome in that crowd. The few times Akira had tried to include him, things had been awkward so he had decided to start declining the invites, proclaiming that he had plans with other friends, and Akira always looked so happy to hear that. 

It was, of course, a lie. Hanging out with his other friends consisted solely of Kouyou sitting in his room refusing to text Akira and admit how lonely he was. His mother would sometimes ask why Akira never seemed to be around, but Kouyou would always smile and say they were both simply busy with school. She would look at him, eyes full of sympathy, and assure him that things would get better because they were best friends. They could make it through anything. Kouyou was starting to believe that just...wasn’t true. 

Kouyou glanced to his left at the bank of windows lining that side of the classroom. This rain was wearing on his mood. A grey day now and then was fine, but this downpour had been raging for three days now. Yesterday the soccer field had been so wet they’d all gone home covered in mud, which his mother hadn’t been thrilled about. He wouldn’t be surprised if they canceled practice altogether this afternoon. That made him nervous. With a free afternoon, he wanted to ask Akira to hang out, but he’d been turned down too many times. The thought of hearing how sorry his friend was one more time made him anxious. 

A vibration in his pocket drew his attention even further away from his paper. Kouyou slipped the phone from his pocket and flipped it open.

**< MOM>**

**If you plan on inviting Akira home after school, there’s food to reheat in the fridge. Your father and I will be out late. Love you bunches.**

Perfect. Maybe with his parents gone he and Akira would have time to actually talk instead of his mother talking his friend’s ear off. Now all he needed to do was work up the courage to ask him over. Luckily his next class was history; the only class he had with Akira this year. Noticing the timer on the screen now read less than two minutes, Kouyou scribbled down a few sentences of complete bullshit and turned his paper over. This class was going to last for an eternity. 

By the time he shuffled out of English, it was difficult to keep his eyes open. Why couldn’t they have a napping class? That one he wouldn’t mind going to. With a little chuckle to himself, Kouyou started into his next classroom only for some jerk coming out to pull the books out of his arms with a whispered  _ fag _ . He sighed but didn’t bother saying anything, just picked up his things and went to find his desk. This was something that he’d grown used to over the past year or so. It wasn’t worth defending himself because no one believed or listened to him anyway. His hair was long, his lips too pouty. Of course, he had to be gay, right? 

The only thing was, he’d been thinking about that more and more lately. Every time Akira walked into a room and a whole mess of butterflies went off in his stomach he would think about it. What did it mean? Kouyou just assumed he missed his friend, but the more he thought about it, the more scared he became. He didn’t want to even entertain the idea that he may feel that way about Akira. It wasn't that he had a problem with gay people; his parents had raised him to believe you should love whoever you wanted, but Akira and his mother weren't like that and Kouyou knew it would mean the end of their already dwindling relationship. 

"Hey, Kou. You fall asleep in class again? You look like you just woke up." 

For a moment Kouyou couldn't speak as Akira tossed his bag on the table next to him and took his seat. His chest ached though. He missed Akira's voice, missed his teasing, just missed  _ him.  _

“Uh, yeah. I can never stay awake during English. You’re the only reason I get by in this class.” He joked, but something twisted in his stomach. Really he’d let that other student’s comment get to him, hadn’t he? Hell, Kouyou even caught himself admiring the strip of slightly tanned skin that appeared when Akira stretched his arms high above his head. This was bad. These were not  _ his  _ feelings. Kouyou shook his head to dislodge that train of thought. 

“Well, it’s a damn good thing I’m around then huh?” Akira grinned at him. “So...practice got canceled this afternoon, you know?”

Kouyou’s ear perked up. “Yeah, I got the text this morning before class.”

“I was thinking maybe if you didn’t have any plans, we could hang out or something. I haven’t seen you much lately. I’m sorry that I’ve been so busy Kou. Have you kept yourself busy too?”

He nodded, faking a smile. “Sure. You don’t have to apologize Aki. I get it. Um, actually I was going to ask you the same thing. My parents are going to be out late tonight. Do you wanna hang at my house?”

The other boy’s face lit up. “Totally. I’ll just text my mom during lunch, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll just walk home with you after school then. I’ve got so much to tell you about Kou. I think my heads actually going to spin off into space.” 

“Like what?”

“You see there’s this girl in my maths class-”

Akira was cut off by the sound of their teacher clearing his throat. Class was beginning and for once Kouyou was thankful for it. Whatever Akira wanted to tell him about this girl, he was fairly certain he didn’t want to hear it. Just the thought of his friend dating turned his stomach. If Akira went out with this girl then they would have even less time to spend together. Didn’t his friend even care?

Hours later as they made the ten minute trek home, Kouyou caught himself watching Akira from the corner of his eye as the other boy talked non-stop. His black hair had grown a bit longer (no doubt Akira would insist on a haircut soon), the ends starting to curl cutely against his neck. Kouyou knew he should be paying attention to what his friend was saying, but the happy sparkle in his dark eyes was distracting. If he was completely honest, everything about Akira was suddenly distracting. Why couldn't he get this out of his head? 

"-so you see if the coach wou-"

"Someone called me a fag in the hallway today." Kouyou blurted out. He hadn't meant too, but now that it was out in the open he felt better. Maybe if he talked about it, he could move on from it. 

Akira stopped walking, his fists automatically clenching by his sides. "Who was it?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I handled it." He lied. "Aki, does everyone at school think I'm gay? Does our team? Is that why coach picks at me constantly?"

His friend's face fell, his eyes sliding away from Kouyou's. "I don't know Kou. I know there are a lot of whispers, but I make sure to tell them they're wrong anytime I hear anything. I know you're not...that way. You're just different looking and I guess they don't like it. I'm sorry man, I really am."

"I know. It's not your fault. I'm sorry you have to keep defending me. Maybe if I chopped my hair off or something they'd stop."

Akira scoffed. "I couldn't imagine you without your hair. Things will get better. Im-" He paused and Kouyou noticed he was digging at the sidewalk with his toe. "Kouyou I'm sorry I haven't been there as much for you lately. I promised to always protect you and I'm failing at that."

Something inside Kouyou's chest tightened painfully. Akira looked so guilty, but that wasn't fair, was it? It wasn't Akira's job to take care of him. 

In an effort to lighten the mood, Kouyou reached out to ruffle Akira's hair. "Don't apologize Aki. You made that promise when we were little. I gotta learn to take care of myself you know? I'm fine. I'll be fine. Come on, I wanna play Street Fighter. Race you to the house?" He asked, taking off in front of his friend. 

"You little shit! That's cheating!" Akira called, his footsteps already gaining ground. 

Kouyou was just a few steps behind when they finally reached his house and unlocked the gate that surrounded the small front yard. They were both breathing hard but whether that was more from running or laughing, they weren't sure. 

"You do know the only reason we play Street Fighter is because it's the only thing you can beat me at, right?" Akira teased, flinging his backpack into the corner and flopping down on Kouyou's bed. 

"False. I can also beat you at tetherball." Kouyou replied, getting the game system set up and tossing his friend a controller. 

"That's because you have arms like a monkey. Alright. Best two out of three. I bet I can whip you this time. I've been practicing."

About an hour later it became apparent that Akira had in fact, not practiced. He couldn't even win a single round! 

"I hate this game!" He grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. 

Kouyou just barely managed to stifle a laugh. "Well, we can play something else. Or watch a movie or something."

"Um, actually Kou, I wanna talk to you about something."

That didn't sound promising. Kouyou took his time rolling up the controllers and putting them away. It seemed they were done with games after all. 

"This sounds important." He muttered, unable to make himself sit down. 

Akira nodded. "Kind of. I tried to talk to you about it before class but didn't have time. You see, there's this girl, Kya, in my maths class. She's really cute and lately, she's been hanging around with me more. I guess I kind of like her."

Kouyou could see the blush rising in Akira's cheeks and it made him feel sick. "Aki, we're still kids. Too young for things like this." He said, his voice not even half as strong as he would have liked. 

His friend frowned. "We aren't that young. I mean we're going to high school. It's not like we're getting married or something. Come on Kou, haven't any of the girls caught your eye? You know Kya has a good friend, her name is Misa. Maybe I could set you up with her and-"

"No! Akira I don't want you to set me up with some girl so you don't feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with me anymore! If you want to hang out with this girl, then do it, but don't pretend you care how I feel about it." He finished, turning towards the window so Akira couldn't see how close he was to crying. 

"Kouyou, what the hell are you talking about? Of course I want to spend time with you, but we've both been so bus-"

Kouyou whirled around, cutting him off. " _ You're  _ busy. Not we.  _ You.  _ I come home after practice and sit here in my room alone."

Akira narrowed his eyes. "You told me you were hanging out with your friends."

"What other friends?" He asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "I don't have any friends but you Akira. I never have. You said we were friends for life." Kouyou sat down in the carpet as his knees gave out and his voice cracked. Akira was there in a second, his hands moving his hair aside to see the stream of tears beneath. 

"Kouyou...I didn't know. I thought that you had other people. You assured me that you weren't alone. You should have told me the truth." He whispered, his voice much more gentle now. 

“How could I do that to you when I saw you being so happy to hang out with your new friends? I didn’t want to be that selfish.” He muttered into the top of his knees. 

“Oh Kou. That’s not being selfish. I said I’d always be here for you and that’s still true. Had I known you were struggling I would have made sure I had more time for you, but I didn’t want to get in the way of you making other friends. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice that you needed me.”

Kouyou lifted his head again. “So...you do still want to be my friend? Even if you start hanging out with this girl?”

Akira laughed, rolling his eyes. “Of course I do. That’s why when Kya told me about Misa I was excited because I thought that maybe if the two of you hit it off then I could spend time with both of you. Kya knows that you’re my best friend. She said she understands that I won’t give up all my time with you. That’s when she told me about Misa. She said her friend is kind of quiet too so I thought maybe you two would get along. Would you at least be open to having lunch with us to see if you have any interest?”

Kouyou was relieved to find that it felt like he could breathe again. Maybe his initial worry about his feelings for Akira hadn’t been a problem at all. This was all about his fear of losing his  _ friend, _ wasn’t it? He wasn’t in love with Akira. How stupid could he be to even entertain that idea? He chuckled at his own thoughts before nodding. “I could do that Aki. I’ll try my best to make her like me, okay?”

“All you have to do is be yourself Kou and she’ll love you. Just like I do.”

_____________________________________________________

The thought of having lunch with Kya and her girlfriend hadn’t crossed his mind much until such time as Akira met him in the hallway just after the bell rang. Suddenly he was so nervous he felt sick to his stomach. Akira had told him to be himself, but Kouyou wasn’t sure how to even do that. What if this Misa took one look at him and decided he wasn’t worth her time? Or worse, what if he said something stupid and embarrassed Akira in front of Kya?

Kouyou was quiet as he followed Akira to his locker to grab his lunch bag; he wasn’t sure if telling the other how nervous he was would be a good idea. What could Akira really do about it anyway?

“Are you nervous Kou? Your hands are shaking.” Akira asked, reaching out to grab onto his hands. 

“Kind of. Aki, does Kya’s friend even know who I am? What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? What should I do?”

Akira chuckled, squeezing his hands. “Well, first of all, you should probably stop stressing about it so much. Kya assured me that Misa is a nice girl, and yes, she does know who you are. She apparently is excited to meet you. I found out a few things about her last night for you too. She likes to draw and she loves music so there are a couple of things you have in common already. Just relax and you’ll be fine.” 

That eased his nerves a bit. At least now he’d have something to try and talk about with this girl. Kouyou saw Kya, her long hair tied up with a bright yellow bow, waving from a table in the lunchroom. She looked so happy to see Akira; he couldn't imagine anyone being so thrilled when he walked into a room. 

"Akira! Kouyou! Over here!" She called and Kouyou almost stumbled over his own feet. She knew his name? He tried to smile back at her but ended up just ducking his head and following his friend to the table. 

Luckily Akira sat down on the opposite side of the table from the girls so Kouyou didn’t feel too awkward having to sit beside someone he didn’t know. After settling in he listened for a few minutes as Akira talked to Kya and she introduced her friend. Kouyou recognized Misa. She had been a new student the year before so he didn’t know much about her. She was cute though, with shoulder-length hair that was wavier than he’d seen on most girls. Her eyes were soft, welcoming, and her lips turned up at corners in a warm smile. 

“Oh, Kouyou.” Kya piped up, her voice almost too high. “This is my best friend Misa. Misa, this is Akira’s best friend Kouyou. Aki says he likes to draw too. He even showed me a few of the drawings he has in his room. I think he might be even better than you.”

Kouyou’s eyes widened and he put his hands out in front of him. “N-no! No, I’m not that good. I’m sure you’re much better.”

Misa laughed, her voice deeper than Kya’s and somehow soothing. “It’s okay Kouyou. I’m not that good either, so maybe we’ll have to give each other some tips.”

Before long Akira was lost in conversation with Kya and Kouyou wasn’t sure how to even start one with Misa. He wasn’t as nervous as he’d expected to be but still couldn’t think of anything to say. The only thing he did know was that something felt wrong. He could see the way Akira and Kya looked at each other. Akira liked her. A lot. Misa didn’t have that look, and neither did he. If he really thought about it, Kouyou had already realized that he didn’t feel nervous because he wasn’t interested in this girl. He  _ wanted  _ to be, but it just wasn’t there. 

“Kouyou? Um, this is weird, isn’t it? I don’t think we’re going to get to know each other when we can barely hear one another talk. Do you wanna maybe hang out after school? Here, I mean. I usually stay in the art room for about an hour after the last bell. You can show me some of your drawings.” Misa said, offering him a sweet smile. 

This wasn’t good. If by some mysterious power this girl had any interest in him, Kouyou had to shut it down. It wasn’t fair to Misa to let her get her hopes up when he had no interest. He’d have to shelve the internal debate with himself over why he wasn’t attracted to one of the prettiest girls he’d ever met for later. 

“Oh, um...Misa, I don’t want to be rude but I don’t think it’s a-”

“Trust me. I think we should definitely hang out.” Misa said her voice stern like she knew something he didn’t. “I’ll meet you there right after class. Here. Let me give you my number. Text me if you can’t stay, okay? Hey Kya? I have to go, I have a test next class and want to study for a bit beforehand. I’ll see you guys later okay? Akira, Kouyou, it was nice to meet you both.”

All Kouyou could do was grab the piece of paper Misa had left on the table and quickly shove it in his pocket. That sick feeling was back to his stomach. Would Akira be disappointed that he wasn’t interested in Kya’s friend? They would have to talk about it later. 

“You okay over there Kouyou?” Kya’s voice reached his ears and he nodded. He was honestly surprised by just how nice Kya was. She hadn’t looked at him with the same annoyed look that most people gave him. 

“I d-didn’t sleep much last night. Too nervous.” Kouyou replied, feeling like it was okay to tell her the truth.

“Misa was too. I’m glad you agreed to meet her though. Akira talks about you all the time so I’m sorry if I’m being so forward but I feel like I already know you.” Kya giggled behind her hand. “I did want to reassure you though since I’m sure this dummy didn’t, that even if you and Misa don’t hit it off, I’d still like to hang out with both of you sometimes. I don’t want you to see me as an enemy. I promise I won’t take Akira away from you. If he is half as important to you as you are to him, then I’ll do everything in my power to give you time with him too.”

“I...thank you.” Kouyou bowed his head and heard her light laugh again. Maybe this girl wouldn’t be so bad with Akira after all. 

“Alright, you boys behave. I gotta get going.” 

Kouyou waved and Akira told her they’d meet up after school then Kya was gone too, leaving them alone at the table. For some reason, this thought made him nervous again. 

“So...what did Misa say to you before she left?” Akira asked, packing away his lunch things. 

“She wants to meet after school for a while. Didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“Girls are like that. You’ll get used to it. Text me when you make it home though, okay? Maybe it’ll stop raining over the weekend so we can have practice Monday. Be good, kay?”

Kouyou rolled his eyes as they stood and he followed Akira from the cafeteria. 

_____________________________________________________

Misa was in the art room, just like she said she’d be, after the last bell. Kouyou was surprised to find that the room was otherwise empty. She was painting something on an easel that he couldn’t see from this angle and had some paint smeared just above her left eyebrow. Misa smiled when she noticed him standing in the doorway. 

“Come in! Come in! Close the door behind you please.” She said, motioning him over with her hand. 

Kouyou did as she asked, pushing the door shut with his foot before making his way over to her. “C-can I- Do you mind if I look?” Misa motioned to her painting, giving him the go-ahead and Kouyou stepped around to get a better look. It was a forest, the sun streaming through the canopy and reflecting off the leaves. It had a soft, mystical quality to it that left him wishing he could disappear into that place himself. Somewhere that seemed so serene. Maybe in a forest like that, he could find enough peace to work through the jumble of thoughts in his head. 

“What do you think? Too ‘fairyland’?”

Kouyou shook his head. “No, not at all. Could you teleport me into the painting? I think I’d rather be there.” He paused, realizing how that sounded. “I mean! Not that I don’t want to be ‘here’ here. I just meant in general. In school.” 

Misa laughed, dimples showing on both sides of her face. “You don’t have to explain Kouyou. I know what you meant. But...you don’t have to worry about offending me either. That’s why I asked you to meet me here. I think there’s something we need to talk about. I know that Kya and Akira are trying to put us together, and I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t interested in you, but-”

“You don’t have to explain, either. I know what my reputation is and I’m sorry that they tried to force me on you. I don’t blame you  _ at all.  _ I am more than happy to tell Akira that we just aren’t a match. I don’t want you to worry about that, or feel bad.”

“Oh. No, Kouyou, that’s not necessary. I think actually...that we could help each other out.” She said, putting her brush into a cup of water. “It’s not that I’m not interested in you. I mean I’ve heard the rumors and mean things people say about you, but that doesn’t matter to me. From what Misa has told me that Akira says about you, I think you and I could be really good friends. I’m just not into the dating thing.”

Kouyou couldn’t find it in himself to disagree with her. “Honestly, I’m not either. I could...always use another friend though, if you really believe we could be.”

Misa smiled, reaching out her paint-stained finger to tap his nose. “Of course I believe we could be. You’re weird, but I guarantee I’m weirder.” She winked but then her smile fell and she looked down at her hands in her lap. “There’s something I want to tell you though because I get this feeling that our stories may not be so different. Can you keep a secret?”

“I can. I promise.”

“I figured so. You see, I don’t have such an aversion to dating. I have an aversion to dating boys.”

Kouyou felt his mouth go dry, his hands start to sweat. This confession was hitting a bit too close to home and suddenly all he wanted to do was flee from the room. He couldn’t even meet Misa’s gaze; too afraid that she might see some truth in his eyes that he didn’t want to admit even to himself yet. 

“So...you um, you like girls then?” He asked, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

She nodded. “I do. I’ve known for a little while now. I realized it more when Kya started talking about boys. I began to think of her differently. To look at her differently. I always thought that maybe one day I would wake up and feel the way she did towards boys, but I only ever find myself thinking of girls. It’s not something I want everyone knowing right now, but I’m not ashamed of it. You...shouldn’t be either. I know people give you a hard time, but Kouyou, pretending is so hard. An-”

“What?! What are you even saying? I’m  _ not  _ gay. I know what the other kids call me, but I’m not! Why would you say that? I’m not pretending to be anything.” He snapped, all but yelling at Misa, but she didn’t even flinch. 

“I watched you during lunch. Do you know how obvious you are? The way you look at Akira like he hung the moon? It’s okay. I know you’re angry, but this is a safe place. You can talk to me, I promise. I can help you if you’ll let me. I know how hard this is.” 

Kouyou rounded on her again, anger making his voice rough. “Hard? You have no idea how hard this is. Do you have any idea what people would do to me if I was gay? The bullying is nothing compared to what it would be. Not to mention I’d lose my best friend. My  _ only  _ friend. I don’t care if I have to pretend to be a million different people, I would never admit this. Even if it was true.”

Misa stood up from the workbench. He expected her to yell at him, tell him he was way out of line, and she would have been right. Yet she did none of the above. She leaned against the table, arms crossed over her chest. “I  _ know  _ how hard this is. I told Kya. I told her I was in love with her and had to watch the guilt on her face when she told me she didn’t feel that way towards me. Trust me, I know. But she’s still my best friend and she didn’t push me away. She’s supported me every step of the way and over the last year or so my feelings for her have faded back to friendship. I still like girls, but I’m not pining for her anymore. Maybe if you talked to Akira, you would realize you’re not in love with him either. Yell at me all you want, but when you go home tonight, think about it.”

And think about it he did. Every second for the next week. He was able to avoid both Akira and Misa for the most part since he headed straight home after soccer practice and he’d used an upcoming test to stay in the library during lunch. In the end he’d only come to one conclusion. Despite how much he hated it, Misa had been right. These feelings he’d been pushing down were only growing now that he’d identified them and released them from whatever cage they’d been hidden in. Part of him knew Akira would never speak to him again if he found out, but the more desperate part hoped that Misa was correct again and his friend would understand and support him too. On top of the fear of telling Akira, he knew eventually his parents would find out too. He couldn’t imagine the disappointed looks on their faces as they sat around the dinner table. His father would probably disown him and his mother would assume he needed some form of therapy. Kouyou didn’t want to put them through that. They loved him and had always taken his side when kids at school picked on him. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint them. 

Pretending  _ was  _ hard though. It was more difficult than ever to force himself not to react to every little affection Akira showed him. Plus he wasn’t sleeping, which made his self-control slip more often, and by the end of the week, everything in his being was screaming at him to just come clean and pour his heart out to his friend.

And by the game that Friday night. Kouyou had decided to do just that. So just before they left the locker room he grabbed Akira’s arm and pulled him aside. “Aki, is there any way we could talk after the game? You told me to tell you when I had a problem, and I do. I really, really need to talk to you.”

Akira smiled, ruffling the front of his hair. “Of course Kou. As soon as we win this game, we’ll head to your house and talk. Sound okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Thanks. Come on Captain. Let’s go win another game.” He said, feeling a bit better now that he had a plan, even if it did involve completely outing himself. 

________________________________

“You’re parents not home?”

Kouyou shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it, with his duffel bag, onto his bed. “No, they had a conference tomorrow in Osaka and decided to make a weekend of it. So I’ve got the house to myself, though my aunt is next door, so I don’t think I’ll be hosting any crazy parties.” He joked, a nervous laugh making its way up his throat. 

Akira chuckled. “Knowing your aunt, she’d be the one throwing them, but it would be some artsy hippy party. Seriously though Kou, do you want me to stay here with you so you aren’t alone all weekend?”

“Uh, maybe. There’s something I have to tell you first. Then you can decide if you want to stay or not.”

“What could you possibly that would make me want to leave my best friend all alone in his big house? Come on, stop acting so serious. What is it you want to tell me? Wait, did something happen between you and Misa? Come on, tell me everything.” 

With a sigh, Kouyou sat down on the edge of his bed, gripping the duvet with white knuckles. “I guess you could say something happened with Misa. She uh, she called me out. Don’t worry, I didn’t piss her off or anything. You don’t have to worry about Kya getting mad. Honestly, you’re probably going to be the only one who gets mad in this situation.”

Akira frowned, taking a seat in Kouyou’s desk chair. “I don’t get what you’re trying to say Kou. Just spit it out, okay?”   
  


“Yeah, yeah okay. Um, so that day I went to talk to Misa after school, we had a pretty deep conversation. She made me realize something that I didn’t want to admit to myself. She and I aren’t going to be double dating with you. We uh, we don’t have- She isn’t interested in me, and I’m not interested in her either. I am...interested in som- Akira, I’m only interested in you.” He paused but seeing the way Akira’s eyes widened Kouyou sped up, talking faster. “Trust me, Aki, I’ve done everything possible to make this feeling go away. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I don’t know what else to do. I think I really like you, the same way you like Kya, and I know you don’t feel the same way. That’s okay. I just don’t want to have to fake my feelings for someone else. Not around my best friend. I hope that you can understand that. I swear I won’t tell anyone else and neither will Misa.” 

His friend wouldn’t even look at him, but the disgusted look on his face said enough. Akira stood up, his arms wrapping around himself like he was trying to hide himself from Kouyou’s gaze. “Just...stop. Stop talking. Fuck. I wish you had never told me this. If you’re keeping it a secret then why tell me? You’re so selfish Kouyou. Whatever your feeling is so  _ wrong  _ and you know it! I can’t even look at you. And you’ve been lying to me this whole time? I’ve slept in your bed! I’ve changed in front of you! And all the while you’ve been the fag everyone says you are. It’s disgusting.  _ You’re disgusting.  _ And I can never, ever be friends with someone like you. I never want to see you near me again, and I’m telling the coach so you can’t watch any of the other guys in the locker room anymore either.”

"Aki please-" 

The punch came flying towards his face faster than he could act, colliding with the right side of his jaw. Kouyou tasted blood in his mouth.

Akira made his way to the door, turning back one last time. “I guess all this time, I’ve been protecting the wrong person. I should have been saving everyone else from you.” And with that he was gone. 

Kouyou’s shoulders hunched as tears streamed down his face. His body jerked when he heard the front door slam downstairs and all he could do was fall to his knees on the hardwood floor. He caught sight of the rainbow string bracelet on his wrist and saw its match on Akira's own as his fist had come at his face. Misa was wrong. Akira would never support him and now he had lost his only friend. The pain was worse than anything he’d ever endured at the hands of his school bullies. It felt like everything inside him was shriveling up and dying. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream. He just laid there on the floor, arms wrapped around his middle, knees pulled up to his chest. 

Hours went by as he lay there crying to himself. The darkness of night shifted to streams of sunlight filtering through his windows and his phone ringing from his duffle bag. He knew it wasn’t Akira and no one else would call him. It had to be his parents. Sure enough his mother’s face showed up on the phone screen and Kouyou answered, his voice thick and wet sounding. 

“Mom?”

“Kou? Are you okay? Did I wake you up? You sound like you’ve been crying?” His mother’s voice came through the speaker and only brought on a new round of tears that he hadn’t known he could produce. 

“Mama...I need you. I need to talk to you. P-please. Do you have time?”

His mother sounded even more worried now. “For you honey, I will always make time. Talk to me. We’ll figure whatever it is out. I’m going to go back up to the hotel room so there’s no distractions.”

Kouyou waited, hearing his mother tell his father she was going to head back to the room. They must have been eating breakfast at the hotel. The whole time he just kept silently praying that his mother’s reaction would be better than Akira’s. 


End file.
